Glorious Trainwreck of the Golden Witch – 47 – I Ain’t Even Mad

Extra dramatic pause.

Read about Ryukishi07 and his final script? It’s a prominent brilliant mind weaving mysteries filled with fantasy and impossibilities focusing on making readers think instead of driving them into full auto-mode. He writes story about countless universes existing in a few days with knack for time-loops where nothing is what it seems and truth is stranger than fiction.  If this seems right then I got a message for you. You’re in the right place.

It’s that time again. This is Umineko Twilight, not to be confused with the saga that makes teenage girls touch themselves at night. Without a doubt not to be confused with The Twilight Zone but seriously close enough. This is Twilight of the Golden. This is the EP that every Umineko follower in the globe awaited for months until the final patch was released last year. A story that we’ve all read but only the 50-60% of the story and awaited with our fingers crossed waiting for answers. I guess you could say more than once Meanwhile at Witch-Hunt and meanwhile at Just as Planned because something that should’ve been written the moment that it came out months ago but hadn’t. It’s all been in my head, the lines, the questions, the reasoning, the comebacks and more than that. Twilight of what? The twilight of a tale of mysteries,twilight of truth, twilight of human interactions. I’ll put my game face for the final tale of the saga. Twilight of the Golden Witch. You wanna know the truth after all? So do I. Time open this game board for the final official game.

I always look forward to the opening scenes in each EP. It’s always something so out there that leaving me thinking what did I just read? And that’s exactly the feeling that Twilight gives, What Did I just Read vibe that Umineko always give but this time is different because it is the last time we’ll be reading anything cannon relating to the story. Basically This. Is. It. So here’s 6yr Ange and we pick up exactly where EP7 left off, that is, nothing actually because Battler wasn’t even part of that game. He was probably busy preparing his final game, he was probably setting up all the game pieces for this game. So Battler tell us how is GM working out for you? I know Battler, you know Battler but this Battler is a bit different from regular flashy Battler. This guy has really taken the role of the older brother and is actually acting all mature and stuff in his game. Hey, I know what you’re thinking. What is the deal? Why loliAnge? Why didn’t Twilight use the old Umineko OP (best OP) to commemorate this glorious occasion instead of Requiem OP theme?

Questionable decisions but there’s so much to be said and I’m going to start throwing stuff out there like there’s no tomorrow. Congratulations we’ve come so far in the story, so far that Battler is the bleeding GAME MASTER of the game board and he’s brought his sister from the future to the last game. (?) I know. That really made as much as sense as anything that can’t be explained in Umineko. But let’s run with it.

Basically Ange’s choices are to stay or leave which the obvious thing was Ange would be to stay in Rokkenjima forever. Gotta say that at first I was afraid at how super almost awkwardly defensive Battler was at the chapel scene when he goes all ‘“DON’T TOUCH IT”‘ on Ange when she tried to touch the book on the altar. See, I foresaw a different Battler based on all the past games to appear in the last game. I mean who is this Battler and what is his final goal.  How is the person who’s been part of the games since the beginning is going to act for the final game. Battler’s mental state has always been a concern of mine and I’ve said it seriously and humorously. Probably we were all onto something there, but that’s neither here nor there. Battler’s strategy to me was to make Ange see without telling her that she had to move on either way because she couldn’t stay with them anyway. The reason for was clear because Ange couldn’t exist in the past with them. How exactly can someone from the future exist in the past? It makes no sense unless you cease to exist in the present, and there’s only one way for that to happen.

The part when Battler explains to Ange that she’d have to choose at the end of this whole tale already puts the pressure hard. What exactly does Battler means by there is no right or wrong answer? Can such thing actually exist when there is one answer?  The deal is already strange. Strange because this magic world isn’t supposed to realistically exist. Strange because Ange can be in both the future and the past at the same time. Strange because Umineko is strange, but you already knew this. FYI, when reading Umineko grab on to something and mentally prepared yourself because some of these twists may blow you out of the water. Don’t buy it? Take Batora for example.

I can see no better way to start the final episode than starting it the same way Legend of the Golden Witch did except the awkward part where they meet at the airport and wondering who the hell are these people and why do they use such long honorifics among themselves. It’s more of a reminisce seeing everyone get to Rokkenjima like they always do. It’s funny because I didn’t particularly get bored of those scenes because there was always something different about them. There’s Eva having her weird-ass personality disorder. There’s Nanjo having a conversation with someone who isn’t there while drinking Kinzo’s booze. There’s Battler remembering old Beato in END. I mean it just knows how to get anyone sucked into the story from the moment they launch the program. I also once again picked up on the forwarding of Battler falling off the boat when they’re on their way to Rokkenjima. Thing that has always bothered me, did he fell off the boat before he got to Rokkenjima and everything was written by somebody else? Was everything in Seacats from dead Battler’s POV of “What if he reached Rokkenjima”. Actually, one way or another it’s always been one of those unsettling moments in a seemingly happy environment for me. I haven’t decided it if it’s interesting or crude, much like Will’s phrase “Don’t over think it you’ll only get a headache” when applied to Battler.

I’ve always wondered about what the siblings were actually thinking when they were on the boat to Rokkenjima. Same as I had wondered about the actual necessity of the cousins (minus Battler) in story since EP2. Are they that important? And do we really need them to be that lame?  I wouldn’t be against a Jessica centric episode not involving Kanon. I wouldn’t be that against a George centric episode not involving Shannon. I’ve wondered about these thing same as I have wondered about an Umineko Episode where one or two siblings don’t attend the family conference for X reasons and only their sons or daughters go. That’d be an interesting spin on the series but it’d also conflict with the whole no more than 18 people on Rokkenjima approach. But we can’t have that either. See here, that poses a problem going for the CrAaaAZzzy Yasu approach. Ask team Doppelganger for more info. Eight full VN episodes and I’m still not cool about it. Rule #1 of Rokkenjima: You do not talk about Yasu. Rule#2 of Rokkenjima: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT YASU. This is your first warning, fellas.

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I’m glad that actually Umineko Twilight is true to itself accepting that this is definitely a Redemption Episode, it is true to itself by admitting to George fatness. The mansion is the mansion and with it comes the beginning of this tale and hopefully no one will be sent to the guest house either. The furniture are still one of the less interesting parts of the human side. There’s not much to read about them that had arose interest from my part no matter how it has been span before. Crazy stories about the duo being homunculus, crazy stories about them wielding blades and powerful barriers. Crazy stories about Yuu Kobayashi voicing trap-ish characters. Ok, now we’re getting crazy.

The point is that it may be just me but seeing Skanon/Kanon is much going to the dentist I’ll elaborate. No matter how many times you go it never gets any easier. At this point R07 wasn’t even hiding SKanon when they are so in your face the whole time. Oh Yasu. I wouldn’t be misleading anyone when I say that it has become of those moments in the story that just make everyone uncomfortable no matter what, like those weird moments in Dawn, I mean like the whole Dawn game. There’s just something [not right] about seeing Natsuhi giving different orders and actually expecting them to accomplish them in time. Or is the real reason Shannon messes up so often while doing chores in previous episodes because she does the job of two people and can’t decide on what personality to take on that day. I figure that she has a flexible planned out schedule for all occasions. Mornings are for chores and be scolded by Natsuhi, in the afternoon visit Kinzo, on weekends dote on Jessica, on family vacations focus on George, in October 4^th do closed rooms murders. If there was an award for multi-tasking in the When They Cry series it will definitely go to Yasu. Second place will go to Beatrice. Third place will go to Shannon. Oh wai-

In my opinion, Battler was laying it way too thick. Sure, kid is 6yr and hardly knows what is what, but she’s also the future Ange who has turned back into her younger self to be in this game. Ange is Ange and either way anybody would be extra confused in such situations. Especially when suddenly there is ~ niceness everywhere ~ in an otherwise twisted story. There’s niceness in Rokkenjima to make things super awkward and you’re wondering who these people are and what have they done with the real Ushiromiya family. The icing on the sugary cake is Moe Kinzo troubled about the incoming Halloween party jumping everywhere while borrowing Sakutaro sounds. I know. What the Kinzo. I was so appalled at the madness of contradictions that I was practically having a difficult time keeping a straight face after witnessing the cast of Umineko making a 180 degree turn and that’s saying something coming from my deadpan self. What has really happened here? Kinzo isn’t an old maniacal fool, Rosa isn’t getting violent, people are actually having fun in the family conference. Battler was pushing it hard.

Battler was pushing it hard and when the story tells you something along the lines “Rudolf, who was usually an easygoing father but one with a sense of dignity.. ”  you definitely get the feeling of getting trolled, I kid you not. The next thing they’ll be saying is that Krauss is an excellent business man. Battler. Battler. What game was the man playing? More on that later and by that it’s implied next paragraph below expanding on this is a totally conflicting twist of events and I didn’t think I was liking where this was going. We’re just gonna go to the beach for now. Because that’s where the interesting things happen The Beach. Look what you did Battler. Ange is angry. No, not angry. Just upset

GM Battler keeps his game PG-13

Of course Ange thinks this is terribly strange, of course I thought this was terribly strange too, of course you also thought this was terribly strange. There are always things one can believe and others one couldn’t while others one would be unsure of. The “beautified” Rokkenjima Battler presents is unreal in the sense that it is not anything like it’s been portrayed thus far. One would have to be blind to not notice that everyone is different from what they usually are and there is no conflict in that world. Everyone is happy. Everything is nice. Was it always this way? Then if so what the hell have we been reading up to this point? Battler tried really hard to show Ange the good side of the family that in itself, that, is hard to swallow. Unlike Just as Planned GM Battler sure likes to keep his game board PG-13 friendly. Worse yet it’s like the 4Kidz version of a violent anime (and by that we mean average action show) and censoring the said controversial, violent parts and shi-. Whoops. Offensive dialogue alert. Not-so-nice parts of the original story.

From a reader POV I saw what Ryukishi07 was doing, that is, to make me the readers see themselves in Ange. If they haven’t done it previously at all before then this was the perfect opportunity for it. It fits P.E.R.F.E.C.T.L.Y. They’re as confused as her and they’re as confrontational as her right now.  I totally started to side with Ange and that’s what makes these scenes stand out. As a reader of R07’s story there was no way that anyone wouldn’t feel confused following the way the game and the story had being set up in the Question Arcs and then whey they proceed to be massively mind screwed in Chiru.

Umineko is a story that sure has a penchant for throwing cold buckets of waters to the face. Because of the confusion Battler’s dialogue was pretty much the last straw when he resorted to, as I call it, “Battler Logic” to trip Ange up telling her that she let her incredible imagination get the better of her and things aren’t actually how she knew or heard them. Kinzo’s not really a bastard, Genji has a personality, and Hideyoshi is actually a very complex character. The Ushiromiya are your regular folks you can find anywhere only a little quirkier, crazier, and with incestuous tendencies. The unbelievable claims Battler’s actually defending are more than questionable by saying that most of things in the story almost thoroughly considered facts are actually in our heads (because we’re delusional like that.) There’s too long a list of okay.jpgs as retorts right there. We’ll leave that for later.

Take the floor Beato.

I’m excited that Shirabe is back. What am I more excited of? I’m more excited that Beatrice is back. If Umineko Twilight was going to do this right then it had to use as many of the old classic pieces as well as introducing some of the new ones for our last game. That’s only natural as far as I’m concerned. Getting back on to the topic I was wondering what role exactly Battler had planned for Beatrice in his game for Ange. Neither of them are actually friends and as far as Ange is concerned Beatrice still leads the list of “least likeable people on the planet” and “girls she wouldn’t want dear onii-chan to end up with”. In reality all of this is far from Ange’s control. She’s a player been invited to the final game created by her brother to make her very final decision on how she should live her life based on her decisions.

I saw that Beatrice was back to her witch ways the moment she wanted to give Ange some candy. The magic trick part was enough of a nice addition even if previously used if you ask me. Then again because it has been previously used is because it’s a familiar example easy to relate to, like Beatrice previously did with Maria when she gave her candy. And with that we’re presented to what much later would become the last riddle of this story. It’s time to start thinking how this should be tackled, the implications of it, what the author wants us to get from this, and should I feel totally terrible that as soon as Beatrice finished her trick I was thinking it was Trick after all? Battler probably would say it’s magic. Beatrice downright says it’s magic. Ange isn’t buying into it. I was not just yet buying into it either. Come one, after being so much not Pro Magic it is so difficult to believe anything that illogical as a final solution.

However, we’re just getting started and Twilight had plenty of more hours to talk me into making a decision. Don’t pressure me, Battler. We’ll eventually get to that part. Right now tell us what is that key and what does it do.

The Key of keys, the key of Truth. I guess all of the ominous warnings that Battler was giving Ange about not letting go of the key immediately served as a way of telling me where the story was going without need for further reading. Exactly. The safest scenario was ‘things following their regular path’. The second was something happening to the key Battler gave Ange such Ange losing it or giving up the key for whatever reason. I mean the key is the most important thing next to Ange making a decision in Umineko Twilight and I was damn sure something was about to go down.

That was pretty much easy to read and Battler’s approach was equally easy to read, not that he was exactly tricky about it. He said he wanted Ange to make a decision when all was set and done but he also admitted he was biased enough to have a personal choice he wanted Ange to pick. So Battler didn’t hide his agenda per se. Anyway I was siding with Ange on this one too. Key or not I wanted some answers and I wanted some truth and anything else was a bonus. The Key was the tool that would allow Ange to make her decision and that decision would determine her future. The important detail to consider was how much of a choice there was in actuality. Putting things in perspective, was it possible for Ange to stay inside the game board and still make sense outside the game board? Yes. No? There’s a choice Battler wanted Ange to pick and therefore a reason, and therefore a why. After being part of the games and ultimately becoming the Game Master (meaning learning the whole truth) there’s enough reason to give Battler to benefit of doubt and assume the man knows what he’s doing. I heard it before and Twilight’s saying it again – Battler Knows Best

Personally, I like the mansion most out of all places in the island. We know we’re getting closer to the action because that’s where the best stuff actually happens. I mean most of the exciting developments happen either in the main mansion or in the guest house. But yeah, usually everything happens in the main mansion. It doesn’t mess around. There are no card games, no old stories about their teenage years. It’s all business. If I had to say anything in defense of the guest house is that EVA B and Erika made the guesthouse stand out. EVA B in Banquet and her start-up power hungry crazy shenanigans forcing everyone to hole up there. Erika and her mystery and detective discourses when the main mansion wasn’t available. Take all that away and I’m calling the guesthouse a forgettable place. Who’s with me? I’ll tell you who aren’t – the cousins.

Kinzo is finally able to give all the money and everything that he owed to Beatrice back, which makes plenty of sense as anything could in the story. Throughout Legend to Dawn Kinzo is desperate to apologize to Beatrice and the reason is unknown while in Requiem Kinzo actually manages to apologize but never meets Beatrice. In Twilight Kinzo is finally able to give everything back to the Golden Witch and put the final lid on his story. What does Twilight do? Twilight gets around tying up loose ends from the human side, everyone.

And just like Umineko Twilight is back to the present world, as if it wasn’t confusing enough to deal with a 6yr old Ange going to Rokkenjima and Battler who’s been missing for 12 years being the current GM. But why exactly do we do need the future for when we’re talking about the past and a tale happening in another dimension in somebody’s head for? Actually, one of the biggest questions is how the Magical (Meta/etc) world works relates to reality and moreso to the very present where future Ange exists. Basically we’re still stuck in the past because of we are unable to learn about anything that happened years ago.

The biggest unknown truth is the culprit(s)’ identities that caused the tragedy years ago. Eva as the only survivor of the tragedy had the chance to tell Ange about what really happened but because Ange demonized her to death she was also unable to recover either. Her reasons still remained a mystery for the readers as why she rather kept quiet than telling Ange. It still remained a mystery if she felt that responsible for being part of the original problem that she rather not made things worse. It still remained a mystery if all she did was to cover for acts of dickery of the Ushiromiya family on those 2 days. I know. There are too many things remaining to be mysteries. It still remains a mystery if that on Eva’s left arm was a tattoo or not. And if magic does exist and taking it very literally there was an EVA Beatrice wrecking havoc at some point then can we please have a [Natsuhi Beatrice] before the saga ends. Big questions, everybody. BIG questions.

Subsequently and a fun fact is that the space above was originally named in the most general way “ranting about Eva”. I’d say this is getting old, but Ange hating on Eva for being a crappy replacement for Kyrie (might be hard to believe) and forgetting that she didn’t put enough effort to make their relationship work is one of the recurring themes and there can’t be an Ange centric EP without it. This is enough to get the feeling I’m reading a combination of Alliance and Dawn only a lot friendlier and less androgynous. Enough to get the feeling that the more Eva was demonized in Ange’s memory the less of an evil aunt she probably was in reality. I thought that we’ve seen enough of this to call it quits but I wasn’t that sure how everything would ultimately tie up with [EVA Beatrice] later on. I mean, and was the whole Eva turning into a Witch was going to be explained in Twilight, I was anxious to find out.

And the conversation between Ange and Amakusa was noteworthy because it reminds oneself what later Ange would do with her life depending on her decision and diving into her goddamn suicidal tendencies. Amakusa tells Ange about child soldiers and how there are some people are already dead and their hatred is the only thing fueling them. On a totally separate note, I so wish that Amakusa’s music wasn’t so un-umineko-ish the jazzy beats feel so off compared to the other tracks. One minute I’m in the world of Rokkenjima and witches and in the next one I’m in some jazz joint. It just doesn’t cut it. I’ll say this now, I sure hope this BGM won’t be featured in Rose Gun Days. I so surely wish all readers of this place know what Rose Gun Days is. Bad News. Psst: /Actually, it’s not about Rosa./

Let it be known that I rather be reading about the siblings as a thumb rule. I expected plenty of revelations and twists in Umineko Twilight but this one is one that takes a big piece of the cake. Eva was so damn nice. She’s so damn nice that I couldn’t keep a straight face while reading the 8^th EP. What ever happened here? What am I reading? That’s the Umineko Twilight feeling all around. I got something else to confess. Before Umineko (in very beginning) I didn’t think that it could be that interesting to read about older relationships for a When they Cry story because Higurashi did so much better by not doing it. One focused on the adults and on top of that making it massively more interesting than any other relationships in the story? That’s Umineko. The Siblings only come second if not on par with the magic side as much as engaging stories go in my book to a point that I can’t possibly imagine reading Umineko without them.

What can else I can’t imagine? I can’t possibly imagine them without their faults either and that’s the reason why the biggest most shocking thing in Twilight is actually seeing them act like regular and I mean regular regular people. Battler had to have a hand in it I thought because this is pretty out there. With everybody acting this nice there’s bound to be plenty of confusion. Kinzo for once openly regrets what he did or didn’t when he lived. There’s unity among the siblings. Unity. When I was reading it I was looking around thinking I was in Candid camera because of how strange it was. I also viewed the whole Halloween party as a gift for both Ange and Maria because of Rosa going ballistic at the sign of Maria acting up. What were the chances of the Ushiromiya throwing a Halloween party for Maria? Low. Extremely low. But not according to Battler or so he says. Kids gotta have their fun. So do Witches, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

So it is the end of the first part of the final series of the Rokkenjima Tales, Twilight of the Golden Witch. Granted the very beginning is nothing extraordinary, the passing is slower than you might expect, and this is still pretty mild compared to what’s to come in the next months. Everyone who has read Twilight knew that this episode was confusing because it throws everything out of the window by revealing contradictions. My mind was practically exploiting from confusion, and I happen to be a reader hard to confuse. It also wouldn’t be Twilight if it wouldn’t indicate the ending of everything, this is the final answer readers will get as well as the opportunity to sort out their feelings, theories, and accept a truth. Whatever it may be, maybe it may not be.

A final story where Eva is super nice to Ange, a final story where I have this expression of disbelief all around. Was she always this nice to Ange? What’s up with this setup? I’m giving it up to Twilight for having the best element of surprise to trip any reader up. I may have certainly waited long but just the same I was flabbergasted by the elements of EP8. It is shocking. It is the last chapter of Umineko presents the opposite of what everyone has been reading all this time where magic may actually be a doable answer. That maybe things aren’t that bad. It’s a sea of contradictions, yet it is still classic Umineko. It’s really once again after many months still the Umineko no Naku Koro Ni that was expected. This will be glorious trainwreck.

Welcome once again to Rokkenjima. They have tea and mysteries. Whatever else would you possibly need?