High School of the Dead – Knowing thy Zombies

– Once again. *insert bounce* It´s said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles. The quote goes on but it was too long. Perfect post for a blog that has been dead for the past month. Or so that is what I’m supposed to say *cough*

I almost feel certain guiltiness about enjoying it as much as I do. What can I say? I love surviving games, in general. HOSD brings classic zombies facts to us once more and whatever we would expect from zombie flicks. Just in a Japanese version, of course, oppai somehow makes its way to the show. Don’t ask.

To revise and add other facts about these caring and gentle creatures let us go down the classic list of what we know about Zombies.

Zombies eat people

The most general characteristic of zombies we are aware of and fact everyone should know, deserving a rightful double duh. We are told by the media that zombies happen to like brains and are like children are keen to candy. This I don’t believe. The most logical assumption would be that zombies settle with just about any part of the body, like the suit guy here who was given a hand and took the whole arm when this Samaritan wasn’t looking.  It isn’t known if the brain has some special flavor that zombies are particularly akin to or not. I suppose that even among zombies they have their own preferences like anyone and while mumbling unintelligent words like economists, they’d had those ordinary all the time dispute over beef ramen and chicken ramen while we aren’t looking, all of this while you occasionally wonder if it’s really ok for those 24-pack to be that cheap. If zombies were to have a spokesman then I’d like to deeply question such person whether this is a fact or not or simply malicious rumor.

Bottom line, zombies just bite onto whatever they see moving. Take it from the experts, don’t give a zombie a hand, you may not get it back.

Zombies can smell you

As any predator, zombies can smell you or just “sense” your aura or put it simply any signs of life from any point where they are at. They will go to your workplace, school if necessary just because they can. And they can’t be charged for trespassing like you would with overly friendly neighbors or stalking ex partners. Zombies can smell people from a mile away and maybe more.  They’ll come in hordes to your last house or wherever you’re hiding at and get a chunk out of you as if you were freshly made bread.  That said, it’ be most unfortunate if even regular people could tell by the smell because it happens that some people are water shy or blame it that those winter days are simply too cold in the morning.
Becoming a zombie gives supernatural smelling abilities; I guess that’s fine if at some point you wish your sense of smell was better than any hunting dog in the world such ability useful. I’d hate to say it, but you’re pretty much screwed like a fat turkey on the holidays anyway. What kind of glutton radar zombies have?

Please. Someone turn it off!

Zombies are gluttons

Zombies take it bit too much to the extreme the saying “with a full stomach” like it’d be an ultimate creed they created themselves. These creatures go in group looking for people to eat, however, I’d like to point out that zombies don’t often attack other zombies near them unless there’s been a shortage of humans lately. Let us not make the mistake of reminding them that if they’re looking for meat then it’s right next to them because they’d pay no heed to our thoughtful advice.

Problem is that their appetite knows no bounds. Cleary, more problematic than just as weight problem. It’s just that no matter how much they eat they are never satisfied, even though dead people shouldn’t feel hungry at all. Most unfortunately, in the end, that extra persuasive speech like one for a running-for-president in which are listed reasons “Why I don’t taste as good as the others” or “Why I shouldn’t be eaten.” Yours truly. It is really inane.

Zombies just prefer fresh meat, another bottom line statement for these rather capricious rotting beings.

Zombies don’t like sunlight

That’s a half truth half lie though, not all zombies are sunlight shy but it’s not like their relationship is one of best friends back from middle school who had lived next to each other their whole lives.

Zombies aren’t fan of daylight I said and I could see why they wouldn’t be since it’s bright, sometimes too intense, and all. If I were to be asked about how I feel about zombies and daylight topic then I’d respond strongly that zombies should totally only come out when traffic isn’t jammed, birds had gone to sleep, and overexposure to the rays of the sun isn’t giving the skin something one didn’t ask for. Put simply when is pitch dark out there in the streets. To me seeing zombies under plain sunlight seems plain wrong like adding salt to an expensive yogurt sitting on the back of your refrigerator you’ve been saving for  a special day.

Thinking of seeing zombies in the plain daylight make them seem like a bunch of drunken folks who have been kicked out of a bar. Darkness of the night fits better the undead.

Zombies are dumb

They’re dumb as dumbbells, no probably more than that.  They’re rough, sluggish and their moves are too easy to predict knowing that their only goal is to feed their hunger. I can’t blame them for that though, they’re already dead and are only moving by the inexplicable drive to eat other humans and to fit the genre. Zombies don’t really have a say after they turn. That said, zombies fall for the simplest and silliest tricks of the book and would probably fall for tricks such as “think of a number from 1 to 20 and I’ll tell you what number it was.”

I’m amazed.

The undead army makes up for this dumb flaw with an innumerable number of them for their sheer stupidity. It’s no exaggeration that their numbers are so many that no matter how many times a group of zombies is finally put to rest, another one rises. Ding. Dong. It’s probably pointless to seriously think of destroying all zombies unless you plan to blow up the whole town, so whatever you do you’re only stalling for time until a real plan comes up. Any time soon. Any time soon. In other words, run and keeping running.


They’re ridiculously strong

They aren’t even well built or anything. Zombies are just freakishly strong. Strong like an ox, strong like a mammoth, possessing strength resembling one of a tsundere school girl in anime. This is the part where the zombie topic kinda loses me. Unless the virus, god-knows exactly whatever turned them into zombies, gives the extra strength I don’t see why they would have the strength of a giant intoxicated by packs of energy red bull drinks.

They should still have the strength of a normal person after dead, right? Not the case, because zombies have taken all their vitamins from letter A to Z and gone back and forth. Sucks because you’re already facing off someone who doesn’t feel pain at all and only numbness so no matter how and where you kick him it’d make no difference. On top of it, that thing is many times stronger than you are.

Zombies CAN be killed

Zombies die, yet again and counting, when their heads are smashed. Because piercing their heart doesn’t work, the next best thing is to go for the brain. Pretty obvious tactical maneuver to me if you ask me.  We’re talking basic stuff, like jumping on top of a monster and stomping them silly in a SNES game. For the same reason it is so logical to always go for headshots in horror survivor games to clear rooms as fast as possible and to save ammo when is most needed, for that boss fight when you realize you spent more grenades than you should, and are now out of ammo. That’d be part of the tips section rather than any standard walkthrough typed in a notepad. Created by cybernamehere. Special thanks to those who contributed. And more importantly than anything fully copyrighted, not to be used anywhere else in the net unless listed in the FAQ, of course.

Amidst of this rambling something dawns on me, something ridiculous, even more absurd than the existence of pale dead men walking with jaws of steel. If I were to be asked (that’d make the second to third time) my response would be that I’d imagine that zombies should still be able to function even without the brain. It isn’t a key part of them anymore and it’s not they’re doing wonders with them anymore, like solving difficult mathematical equations or finding the meaning of life. Assuming they were making some use of them even if partially or poorly. That’s spot on. Not all of us make best use of our brain when we need to or when we actually want to. Still, isn’t the claim that humans only use 10% of their brains in their whole life to some extent insulting to the intelligence of the public? Kind of. But I think that some crosswords are just difficult.

Zombies should still function.  Just that they wouldn’t see what they’re doing. Something like who turned off the lights? With the electricity not coming back anytime soon.

It’s d-d-d-deadly!

The disease is lethal. Black widow deadly. Python deadly. A swarm of African killer bees deadly. More precisely, we’re talking you-re-pretty-much-f’ed-the-moment-you-are-bitten type of disease, no hospital in miles or antidote to counter the poison on earth, here. It isn’t like a dog with rabies bite dangerous or something like that it’s more like the you’ll-be-dead-walking-and-eating-people (mind you, for no particular reason) type of disease otherwise wise known by fiction as zombies.

Prejudice and much biased I’d say, how the effect delay of turning into the living dead isn’t the same for everyone. For main characters it usually takes hours (or until you finish the game) to take effect BUT for supporting characters or random people, let it be called random to those who are just there to be greeted by massive waves of hungry zombies as they make their first and only appearances. One has to wonder if it was even necessary for the voice actors of those characters to go to work that day or it’d be more practical to hire one or two people to voice all their voices. For these characters it is, regrettably, only a matter of minutes, sometimes seconds before they TURN into ghouls. “Oops, I’m bitten, but it’ll heal. I’m sure. No problem!”

Impending doom, when you realize that that trusty old time friend bandage from the first aid kit won’t help at all. Then the next minute a new undead arises and will be munching like rodents the neck of the neighbors and classmates. Not exactly a pretty sight.

Zombies are hilarious

Zombies are funny. Not that they have a sense of humor or are supposed to have one but that doesn´t matter. Once we get past all the seriousness, the clear menace they present to public possibly signifying the end of the human race as we know it, zombies can unintentionally be pretty funny. To drive the final point of this entry we contrast this strong zombie movement with its embarrassing side they hide behind their mean exteriors.

Zombies move awkwardly, behave clumsily, and can’t even do menial tasks. They’re a disaster in every way, without their teeth they’re like an old lion without its powerful teeth to strike its preys and more like a zoo kept one. Zombies are terribly uncoordinated to the point of provoking personal embarrassment. However, let this not fool you because they can – should the movie provide it – move more swiftly, almost like jogging, more like running, at speed of proud Olympics participants when least expected eventually catching up ending once and for all the rumor that zombies move slower than cars going 1k/m per hour. That´s what zombies are.

All in all, funny situations just happen in titles where zombies are present.


6 thoughts on “High School of the Dead – Knowing thy Zombies

  1. Hmm, actually specifically in HotD, the zombies can’t smell them. :/

    And the average person only uses like 20% of his muscle, or something like that, even during Olympic events and stuff. If you use any more, bad stuff will happen. But you are /capable/ of using more (such as during an adrenaline rush where you lift up a truck to save yourself or something), you’ll just suffer major injuries.

    The zombies are already dead, so they can use their body however they want. That’s why they’re strong. They’re constantly getting wounded but they don’t care because they don’t feel pain, they don’t feel tiredness. They’re dead. That’s also why they run so freaking fast, don’t die when pierced in the heart (they don’t need blood or oxygen, so all organs besides the brain are useless), and don’t die immediately when burnt (because there’s nothing to burn).

    However, nothing can function without the brain. The brain controls the zombie. Without the brain telling the zombie what to do, the zombie can’t move.The reason we move is because our brain sends electrical impulses to our external limbs, forcing them to move. Without a brain, NOTHING can move at all.

    In conclusion I just don’t want a zombie apocalypse to happen @_@

    • The greatest disadvantage of zombies is that they´re unbelievable slow both physically and mentally, so the disease they spread is what makes them a real threat. Image what they´d do with intelligence of their own? Eh, not much. Unless the one controlling them would have total control of them, otherwise tzombies probably realize they´re dead and someone made them that way and revel or act on their own, which would be probably even worse. It reminds me of a movie I watched some type ago about zombies who had some type of primitive intelligence but of course still acted as zombies do. What a weird movie, the name escapes me.

      Real zombie apocalypse? That better not happen. I´d like them zombies to stay in video games where I like them the most. I doubt I could easily find ammo and mysterious healing herbs at each corner.

  2. Solanum… is the virus that turns humans into flesh eating zombies…look it up google it. The virus enters the boold stream making its nest in the brain and there it start to lach it self in the frontal lobe i belive, anywho from what i hear it starts to replicate destroying the brain in the process and creating a whole new organ free from oxygen and it reverts back the brain to one of its basic instincts…wether ur talking about fast zombies or slow zomnbies…i think they’re fast in the begining and as they tear muscle their bodies dont regenerate back and revert to its most famous slow zombies… well thats atleast what i like to think…I do kinda wish this would happen and see chaos and destruction every where and let all the religious types cry for help to their gods. That would be fun to watch and see how long i could survive till its my day to die. Just a thought ^^

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